Album Release on 11.11.11!!

A New Day by Bianca Merkley

Ok, so maybe it's been a while...

My mom pointed out to me today that I haven't posted on our blog since August. I thought, "Wow, has it really been that long?" And yes, somehow it really has been that long. Hard to believe actually. But I blame it on the fact that we lost our camera after our trip in August, and then didn't find it until just recently. So now that we've got our old trusty camera back, I'll be posting more regularly again.

As for now, here are some of the pictures we have on our camera from our sweet trip back to Utah in August- this was for our 5 year anniversary- and where better to go than to where we first met and fell in love...the magical Logan, Utah. What a special place this little town has in our hearts.


We also got to go to Logan Lanes where many-a-bowling games went down back in the day. We couldn't believe how cheap it was to bowl in Logan! Funny how quick you forget. We loved it.


And to finish off an amazing Summer vacation...my grandma made us peach pie from scratch with peaches fresh off the trees from her back yard. Really? Yes, really.


It was sad to say goodbye to family and especially to our little nephew, Nixon. But oh how nice it was to see everyone. A nice end to the Summer...

August 20th

Although it may seem like a very trivial thing... I've decided after this birthday- the big 25- that a simple phone call on your birthday is really worth a lot more than one might think. Texting and Facebook messages take little to no effort. Granted, better to send that then nothing at all, but a phone call...the value in that simple act is almost unmeasurable. My resolve from here on out is to create a list of all my family and friends birthdays and to send them cards and/or call them on their birthday- not after, but on their birthday. Will I be able to do it? I hope so. I'm terrible at remembering birthdays. But it really means a lot when someone does, and it just requires a little extra effort.

Happy birthday me. (I'm off to a good start, at least I remembered my own birthday)

5 Years Already!?

Happy 5 year anniversary.

This is why I married you...

and I'm so glad I did!

Summer 2010

Where have we been? I don't really know what to say. I kind of forgot that we had a blog, so I'm sorry for being lame and not posting anything. It almost feels like when you don't write in your journal for a long time, and you don't know if you should try to go back and recap everything, or if you should just start fresh.

Let me just briefly recap...In June, Naomi and I put on the "Harmony for Healing: Women Helping Women Through Music" benefit concert at Ashland Coffee and Tea. We had a good turnout, and had such a fun time at the show. Most importantly, we were able to reach our goal of raising $1,500 to donate to women in mental health! Here are some of the pictures my sister-in-law took of us at the show.

Thanks to Felix Stevens for being our Emcee for the night and being willing to play a song with us. And also a huge thanks to Jackie Frost, Libbie Dunton and Sheryl Warner for playing a set in the show. We couldn't have done it without the help of so many!


As for the rest of the Summer, Joseph and I have been working, sweating ridiculous amounts in this New York heat, enjoying youth camps, going to the beach, long boarding, going for late night Carvel ice-cream runs, going to concerts and shows, going on short road trips, and that mostly sums it up. Pretty soon we will be visiting family out West once again which we are both excited about. So I'll be sure to post pictures of this sooner than my previous posts.








Summer to be continued...

A little update

So perhaps it's been a little too long since I've posted last. This is true. But, nonetheless I am posting tonight.

I spent a good majority of February out West for the birth of my little baby nephew, Nixon Bradly Dame. It was an interesting experience seeing that I flew out there twice. The first time was a false alarm. The doctors had told my sister that they were going to take him 6 weeks early, and so I bought my ticket right away to be there not only as a support but to experience it all. Of course, the doctors had changed their minds, and decided to wait. They gave us the impression that the baby would just continue growing full term. So, I flew back home thinking that I would not be able to see the baby for a couple of months. The following week, the doctors found that the baby had stopped growing and decided to induce my sister the next morning. So, my sweet mom kindly let me use her extra flight miles to once again fly out for the birth of the baby.

He was born 4 weeks early and I made it literally right in time for the birth. It was so amazing to witness. He was a fighter from the first second he came out, and a tough little guy to endure all of the pokes and lights and beeping noises that he had to experience during the first week while he stayed in the NICU. But, gratefully everything went well and he is a growing happy little guy. So glad he is here with us. My friend Holly Hackett made his hat. She is a talented gal.

After coming back to NYC, my mom stopped for the night while flying home to where she lives in DR. We had a good time, and quickly saw a few of the classic NYC sites. She was only here for one night. We went to Times Square, and went to see Blue Man Group in Astor Place. It was fun to have her visit- even if the visit was short.

It's time to celebrate Christmas

I got to pick our Christmas tree this year. Our first ever! Joseph didn't really like this one because he said it was "too small" (whatever), so he agreed to choose the tree next year if I got to choose this one. Why would we need a bigger tree? I just didn't get it. I think it's a guy thing.


Anyway, it was fun. We've never bought a tree before, and when I was growing up- the Christmas tree was never anything we really got that into. My dad bought a 6 dollar tree one year I remember because he bragged about how cheap it was all the time. (And as you can imagine, it was a sorry looking tree) Then another year, he cut down a bush/tree from our front yard for our Christmas tree and that was embarrassing. I think no tree might have been a better option that year. So needless to say- this was an exciting event for us.

It smells wonderful, we love it!

Water, Weed, Repeat: Transform your life

Joseph and I have now been in our apartment for almost a month. And, during this time I've had a lot of time to myself which has allowed me to process a lot of things. I haven't had this much free time to govern for myself in years (or at least that is what if feels like). We moved here because Joseph found a job, which has been what I've been wanting since he graduated in May. So we were so excited to come and start this "new chapter" of our lives. This is the first time that at least one of us hasn't been in school our whole married lives (4 years). So, I came to New York excited, but still unsure of how if fit exactly in this new picture of our lives. I didn't know very many people around, I came with no job in place for me, and so when I first got here- I spent hours just cleaning the apartment, unpacking, and looking for jobs. This is what I did every day for about the first two weeks. However, I started noticing that if I didn't get everything done that I wanted to- then I started to feel bad and get kind of down on myself.


While all of this was going on, a friend of mine asked me, "so have you been writing more songs?" and I thought about it and was embarrassed to admit that I actually hadn't even picked up my guitar since I'd been in New York. I hadn't given myself permission to do so. I had to ask myself in that moment what was really going on with me- why did I feel this great pressure to get so much done? It wasn't coming from Joseph. In fact, he asked why I didn't go explore the City more. Why was I feeling bad about myself if I didn't get these things done that I felt I needed to?



I began to realize that this was coming from feeling like I had to do all these things so that I could show all of what I had done at the end of the day. That feeling gave me a sense of worth and purpose. I had always had a job and been busy with other things in the community, and that before had been part of what I based my worth and value on. I felt pride as I said to people when they asked me what I do, "I work at a psychiatric hospital." That meant that I had worth in some way. But now, when people asked me, "what did you do today," I felt myself trying to justify my day and if I didn't have something to show for it- than it wasn't enough.

I made a goal from that point on to write more, play more, and allow myself to enjoy each day. I started listening everyday to these CD's that I got Joseph for our anniversary gift. They're called, "Water, Weed, Repeat." They are CD's with a man named Tony Litster talking who created this program that helps people transform their self-image and create lasting change. It was actually listening to these CD's that helped me realize why I was feeling this way. I don't know if I would have noticed it before. But now, after working through this program- it is so clear to me where some of these thoughts, patterns and behaviors are coming from. And now that I'm aware of them, I am able to stop myself from thinking these things, and I'm able to really transform my belief about myself.


Part of the program has you write your own positive affirmation (something that I used to do with the patients I worked with at Central State), but until now, I had never really recited the affirmation daily like I am now. I write it and say it to myself every day. I feel like it really is working. Going through this program is helping me to see myself more as God sees me and to accept myself. I never felt before like I had this terrible self-esteem. It wasn't until I had nothing- no one to talk to or distract myself with, no job, a busy husband at work and no close friends yet- that I started to realize that I felt kind of down about myself.

As I have been listening to these CD's, and going through this program, I feel enlightened. I am really trying to now restructure the way I saw myself before. I recite this affirmation to myself everyday:

"I am a child of God. I have infinite worth and value. God loves me and accepts me as I am and I now fully accept myself. My soul is of great worth."

I know that this is true and the more I say it the more it resonates within me that it is true. I fail sometimes, I think I'm right sometimes when I'm not. I make many poor choices, but God still loves me. Elder Maxwell said it this way, "your individual worth is already divinely established as great. It does not fluctuate like the stock market."

I don't have a job yet. But that is ok, I'm going to get one soon. And what I do does not mean that that is who I am. I am beginning to understand that being is much more important than doing.


So if anyone wants to know what I've been doing these last few weeks in New York, this is pretty much it. Of course there are other things that are going on, but not a lot for me to show for it. Just an apartment that I unpacked, many emails sent, no jobs yet, and time to exercise, write music, serve in calling at church, and listen to these CD's. It's been quite a process for me, and although challenging for me still, I'm loving it.

(If you're interested in learning more about the CD's, or about Tony Litster, go to www.tonylitster.com. And, if you've really read all of this, I am impressed. I never read wordy posts. Give yourself a pat on the back.)

Mom got hitched!

We had a good time visiting with family and friends and are excited about our family growing.

Yay!

Cristi, Mandy, Alex, little Manu, and me hanging out with Grandma Gloria

Gotta love brother-in-laws

4 YEARS AGO!

WOW! I can't believe 4 years have come and gone already. Happy 4th Anniversary B! Thank you for the all good times and sweet memories! Te Quiero mi amor!

4th of July

Joseph makes a great Uncle. He enjoys being a kid (probably more than the kids do) and I've got pictures to prove it. I love that about him so much (although there are times when it does drive me nuts, but for the most part, I love it.)

Over the 4th of July weekend, we spent time at the Merkley's farm swimming all day, eating delicious food off the grill, and to top it all off at the end of the night- we set off fireworks and watched the fireflies put on a show of their own. It was such a nice weekend- fun to see the kids, and even more fun to watch Joseph play with them. 

Now when it came to the fireworks, Joseph was the master...  

 

...risking his life just for the sake of putting on a good fireworks show for the rest of us. I'm so proud. 

GRADUATION + EL SALVADOR = GOOD TIMES

It's been a good couple of months. Sorry we haven't been faithful in updating this recently. 

We'll start from May... Joseph didn't want for me to post this, but I just had to because it's a huge accomplishment. He graduated from graduate school at VCU in their advertising program. It was a long two years that seemed to go by quickly (weird how that happens), and it felt so good to finally finish- I think almost just as good for me as it was for him. Now I'm sure you are wondering as you read this, "what are you going to do next?" And that is a question we are asking ourselves as well. The idea after graduate school is to find an awesome job, but we're coming to find out that that is taking a little longer than we had originally planned. Even still, we are enjoying this time "off," and I am continuing to work at my job until we figure out what our plans are next. That is still a mystery, but we will keep you updated.

After graduation, we were fortunate enough to get to go on vacation to El Salvador (where my mom is from). We'd been there before three years ago, but that was the only other time that Joseph had been. This trip was packed full of family parties and celebrations. Two of my cousins graduated high school, my aunt graduated from a program in business that she was doing, my sister had her birthday, and my other cousin had a baby shower. On top of that, we spent some days at the beach and went on a few scenic tours of El Sal as well. It was great. 

Here was our first day there. All the ladies in our family got to go to the salon to get our hair and makeup done before the big graduation party for my cousin Alex. I think there was a total of 11 of us that day at the salon from our family. In this pic you see just me, my sis, my aunt and my mom looking super sexy after our day at the salon. 

In the picture above here you see Brooks and Joe on the dance floor before the carnival started... 

...30 minutes later...the real party began. (Side note: they were the only ones wearing the fake hair in the entire place. And that is why we married them. )

Here are the two of us with our party face on! And of course since we had been traveling all day and I had spent all night packing, not too much time passed before I was out.

20 minutes later at 1:30 am, which really was 3:30 am for us. (this is joe: if you look closely you can see a little drool)

(Joe speaking) Here is a sweet old guy working on either a hammock or a blanket. It was pretty crazy to see how it all worked and just how long it took them to finish one...no electricity or machines, just pure 80 year old muscle.  I don't exactly know what he is doing on the second image...I just thought it was a funny picture.

Brooks and I after a good body surfing session...we were tossed around like little rag dolls, but it was all worth it.  The wave in the background doesn't do it justice.  They were seriously pretty intense....I promise.

(back to B) In between our family parties and chillin' on the beach, we took a few tours of El Salvador which my aunt had set up for us. Right as we were taking off in the tour bus, we hear this sudden loud bang behind us which happened to be a pole that the bus driver ran into. The best part about it was the drivers reaction. Brooks' facial expression above pretty much sums it up. "Este..."

The picture you see here is a hike we took through the jungle that went around a crater and you could also see one of the volcanos from here as well. It was really pretty, I especially loved the hike.  

We also went horse back riding on this tour- it was pretty awesome. 

This picture is one of my favorites. How perfect is his face right now? He is always asking me to pose in pictures by myself which I hate- so I said, "here, you get in one." And now he knows how awkward it feels sometimes. 

In this picture, you see Brooks, Cristi, Daniel (my moms fiance), me and Joseph. Pretty, yeah?

Sisters- love them. 

We had so much fun during the trip, seeing the sites, hanging out on the beach, and I think best of all...getting to just chill with the fam. For now, these are all the pics we'll post, but we'll have more to come shortly.